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Abstract：The article has analyzed two Chinese versions of Ode to the West Wind by Wang Zuoliang and Jiang Feng in aspect of retaining style, artistic conception, content, form and musicality, which offers self standard and evaluation to the poem translation.
Key words：comparative study style artistic conception content form musicality
1 Introduction to the poem
Ode to the West Wind, a household-known poem, was written in 1819 by P.B. Shelly, when one evening he was encountered a sudden storm in a forest nearby Arno River outside Florence city. The poet saw the approaching storm, associated wild wind with revolution storm and felt it a kind of great power that could be a destroyer and preserver; he also considered himself as the wild wind-unrestrained, swift, and proud and fell upon the thorns of life, bleeding. The poem was soaked with strong emotion and great ideal of revolution and was filled with rich imagination and strict metrical rhythm. It becomes a masterpiece of Shelly and has long been read worldwide.
2 Standard of poetry translation and comparative study of the poem Chinese versions
2.1 Retaining artistic conception and style
The translator should firstly transfer the original poet’s intension, namely, he is to capture the style, artistic conception, content of the original poem.
It is universally acknowledged that every writer has a literary style and that his style is reflected in his writing. Alexander Fraser Tytler (1813) in his Essay on the Principles of Translation: "I would therefore describe a good translation to be that in which the merit of the original work is so completely transfused into another language, as to be as distinctly apprehended, and as strongly felt, by a native the country to which that language belongs, as it is by those who speak the language of the original work."
In addition, to retain its artistic conception and content is essential as well.
Liu Zhongde, in his book Ten Lectures on Poetry Translation, points out "what is most important for a translator to do in translating a poetic work is to keep its original artistic conception and style."(Liu Zhongde, Problems of Translating Poems, 2000: 130)
The following will compare the two versions translated by Wang Zuoliang and Jiang Feng.
As a matter of fact, the two Chinese versions are faithful to the original poem in style and artistic mood as a whole, but they have a subtle distinction. In the first part, "breath of Autumn’s being" was translated into“秋之实体的气息” by Jiang Feng. It lacks the feeling of the motion of the powerful west wind and “实体” is a vigor conception as well. In comparison, Wang’s “你把秋气猛吹” is more faithful to the image, which also presents us a feeling of motions. The line “from whose unseen presence the leaves dead are driven, like ghosts from an enchanter fleeing” is also translated differently. Wang’s “不露脸便将落叶一扫而空，犹如法师赶走了群魔” vividly shows us the images of “unseen presence” and “ghost from an enchanter fleeing”, which also leaves us an impression of simplicity and vividness.
In the second part, the author depicted a vivid picture of heaven shaken by the west wind. Wang’s “你激荡长空，乱云飞坠/ 如落叶；你摇撼天和海，不许它们像老树缠在一堆”, using subject-predicate sentence structure and presenting the motion and power of the wind; Jiang used two prepositional phases, “在你的川流上，在骚动的高空”showing us a stable condition, which can not offer us the feeling of power. Yet, Wang’s “不许它们像老树缠在一堆” is misleading in that: “the tangled boughs of Heaven and ocean” refers to the gathering scenery of Heaven and Ocean like tangled boughs.
Reading the third part repeatedly we notice the two translations keep close to the original, yet they still have subtle diversities. Wang’s third line “听着波浪的催眠曲，睡意正浓” is his own creation. As for the “pumice isle in Baiae’s bay”, name of a place, it’s better to translate it in accordance with its sound, so Jiang’s “贝伊湾一座浮石岛外” which offers us a foreign taste. The most distinguished difference lies in the understanding and rendering of “in sleep old palace and towers”: is it real or imaginary? Wang rendered into a real scenery while Jiang rendered into “梦见了古代的楼台、塔堡和宫闱”, bringing us historical and mysterious feeling, which adds great romantic color and deep aesthetic effect to the poem.
The fourth part shows a strong desire of the poet being a dead leaf, a swift cloud and a wave to fly with the west wind and share the impulse of it. Both versions basically remain its original meaning and tone. Jiang used a parallel structure beginning with “我若是”, offering a feeling of freshness and conciseness; Wang’s“如果我能是” is not so pleasant to eyes and ears. “and share/ The impulse of thy strength ” can not be translated literally; Jiang’s “分享你雄强的脉搏” is close to the original in meaning and expression. Wang rendered the third stanza into “我就能陪着你遨游天上/那时候追上你未必是梦呓/又何至沦落到这等颓丧”, especially the second line, presenting more poetic effect than Jiang’s “似乎超越你天界的神速也不为奇迹”, which is rather dull. The last line “I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!” was rendered into “我跌在人生的刺树上，我血流遍体！” by Wang, which doesn’t read like poetic lines and the latter is over translated. While Jiang’s “我倾覆于人生的荆棘！我在流血！” demonstrates the hardship and heavy tortures of heart and body of the poet and brings poetic touch to our sense.
The last part expresses the great wishes of the poet to be the lyre and being united with the west wind, the fierce spirit, and gives a prediction: if winter comes, can spring be far behind? This reaches the climax of it. In Chinese literary critics “一切景语皆情语” meaning that all the words used to depict natural scenery are in fact to express human feeling. The fusion of emotion and scenery in poetry is highly valued in Chinese poetics. The poem features with it, in which the poet’s emotion is expressed implicitly. He compared himself to the west wind and wanted to awaken the whole world through his poem demonstrating great power of revolutionary emotion. As for the line "withered thoughts "，Wang’s“我的腐朽思想”，which leads to an imagination of special meaning in that special political period in China. Therefore, Jiang’s “我枯萎的思绪”, causes no distorted imagination. The last line, Wang’s “如果冬天已到，难道春天还用久等” , is equal to Jiang’s in meaning, while Jiang’s “如果冬天来了，春天还会远吗？” gives a feeling of closeness and is known to household.
2.2 Retaining the faithfulness in form
In addition to faithfulness in meaning and artistic conception, retaining the original form plays a very important role, too. Liu Zhongde points out "Poems call for the beauty in form, sound and meaning. A translator of them should not be satisfied with mere conveying of the ideas in the original, but must strive for the reproduction of the original beauty. To achieve this, he ought to first of all, retain the original meaning and artistic conception and secondly, do his best to make his translation bear certain due form, rhythm, and rime when necessary"(ibid, 129) Therefore, to convey the original poetic line, rhythm, and rime is also an essential job in translation.
The poem consists of five sonnets, which mixed Terza rima of Italian poetry: including its rime scheme being aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee; each line consists of five feet, belonging to iambic. The whole poem is filled with run-on lines and its sentence structure is strict but full of alteration, which best depicts the poet’s wild and uncontrollable emotion and fulfills the unity of content and form.
As is said above, the original poem is filled with run-on lines and some even run across a stanza, expressing the wild and uncontrollable image of west wind. Run-on line is used in English poetry rather than in Chinese ones. (汉语的诗押韵总在句末，没有跨行，虽然也有含两句意义始足的例子，但依汉人心理仍然可以当作两句看待。冯建文，2001：216)
In regard to this respect, Jiang used more run-on lines in his translation and also paid much attention to natural divisions of sentences, which as a whole makes the sentence pattern strict but full of alterations. It best transfers the original line form. On the contrary, Wang focused on smoothness and straightness of sentence, seldom using run-on lines, but it reads fluent and smooth. In comparison, the two adopted versions basically represent its original pattern in division of lines and stanzas, yet they still show their distinctive features.
2.3 Of rime and rhythm
The rime scheme of the poem is aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee and alliteration is used as well, such as "wild west wind", "grow gray", "steep sky", etc. Both of Wang and Jiang’s versions are close to the original: the third and fifth parts of Wang’s and the first three parts of Jiang’s are equal to its original, rimed in aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee. However, neither of them uses alliteration, which is uneasy to convey.
The poem is a pentameter with strict sentence pattern and orderly ups and downs. Both versions express their rhythms and musical effects. In comparison, Jiang’s keeps closer to the poem as a whole. His version is well-organized in dun and words number and its lines are equally designed, which read sometimes wild and open and sometimes like lower singing and whispering, offering sense of musical beauty. If you read the first stanza, you will notice its speed is slower than the original in that most of the lines consist of six dun, which gives us a sense of heaviness and thickness. On the other hand, Wang’s does not stick to the words of each line, yet it gives a feeling of conciseness and lightness. In comparison, Wang’s version as a whole is more like the original in retaining its rhythm for he basically uses five dun and some lines are made up of four dun, which is shorter and lighter, vividly depicting the spirit of swift and wild wind.
3 Conclusion
Through analysis above, both versions have advantages and disadvantages in retaining content and form. Jiang’s version keeps closer to the original: faithful but not rigid, strict but full of alterations in expression; Wang’s has some mistranslations and unharmonious collocation of slang, oral usages together with vigorous, solemn and free style, which somewhat spoils the quality of the translation.
(作者单位：陕西西安电力高等专科学校）
Key words：comparative study style artistic conception content form musicality
1 Introduction to the poem
Ode to the West Wind, a household-known poem, was written in 1819 by P.B. Shelly, when one evening he was encountered a sudden storm in a forest nearby Arno River outside Florence city. The poet saw the approaching storm, associated wild wind with revolution storm and felt it a kind of great power that could be a destroyer and preserver; he also considered himself as the wild wind-unrestrained, swift, and proud and fell upon the thorns of life, bleeding. The poem was soaked with strong emotion and great ideal of revolution and was filled with rich imagination and strict metrical rhythm. It becomes a masterpiece of Shelly and has long been read worldwide.
2 Standard of poetry translation and comparative study of the poem Chinese versions
2.1 Retaining artistic conception and style
The translator should firstly transfer the original poet’s intension, namely, he is to capture the style, artistic conception, content of the original poem.
It is universally acknowledged that every writer has a literary style and that his style is reflected in his writing. Alexander Fraser Tytler (1813) in his Essay on the Principles of Translation: "I would therefore describe a good translation to be that in which the merit of the original work is so completely transfused into another language, as to be as distinctly apprehended, and as strongly felt, by a native the country to which that language belongs, as it is by those who speak the language of the original work."
In addition, to retain its artistic conception and content is essential as well.
Liu Zhongde, in his book Ten Lectures on Poetry Translation, points out "what is most important for a translator to do in translating a poetic work is to keep its original artistic conception and style."(Liu Zhongde, Problems of Translating Poems, 2000: 130)
The following will compare the two versions translated by Wang Zuoliang and Jiang Feng.
As a matter of fact, the two Chinese versions are faithful to the original poem in style and artistic mood as a whole, but they have a subtle distinction. In the first part, "breath of Autumn’s being" was translated into“秋之实体的气息” by Jiang Feng. It lacks the feeling of the motion of the powerful west wind and “实体” is a vigor conception as well. In comparison, Wang’s “你把秋气猛吹” is more faithful to the image, which also presents us a feeling of motions. The line “from whose unseen presence the leaves dead are driven, like ghosts from an enchanter fleeing” is also translated differently. Wang’s “不露脸便将落叶一扫而空，犹如法师赶走了群魔” vividly shows us the images of “unseen presence” and “ghost from an enchanter fleeing”, which also leaves us an impression of simplicity and vividness.
In the second part, the author depicted a vivid picture of heaven shaken by the west wind. Wang’s “你激荡长空，乱云飞坠/ 如落叶；你摇撼天和海，不许它们像老树缠在一堆”, using subject-predicate sentence structure and presenting the motion and power of the wind; Jiang used two prepositional phases, “在你的川流上，在骚动的高空”showing us a stable condition, which can not offer us the feeling of power. Yet, Wang’s “不许它们像老树缠在一堆” is misleading in that: “the tangled boughs of Heaven and ocean” refers to the gathering scenery of Heaven and Ocean like tangled boughs.
Reading the third part repeatedly we notice the two translations keep close to the original, yet they still have subtle diversities. Wang’s third line “听着波浪的催眠曲，睡意正浓” is his own creation. As for the “pumice isle in Baiae’s bay”, name of a place, it’s better to translate it in accordance with its sound, so Jiang’s “贝伊湾一座浮石岛外” which offers us a foreign taste. The most distinguished difference lies in the understanding and rendering of “in sleep old palace and towers”: is it real or imaginary? Wang rendered into a real scenery while Jiang rendered into “梦见了古代的楼台、塔堡和宫闱”, bringing us historical and mysterious feeling, which adds great romantic color and deep aesthetic effect to the poem.
The fourth part shows a strong desire of the poet being a dead leaf, a swift cloud and a wave to fly with the west wind and share the impulse of it. Both versions basically remain its original meaning and tone. Jiang used a parallel structure beginning with “我若是”, offering a feeling of freshness and conciseness; Wang’s“如果我能是” is not so pleasant to eyes and ears. “and share/ The impulse of thy strength ” can not be translated literally; Jiang’s “分享你雄强的脉搏” is close to the original in meaning and expression. Wang rendered the third stanza into “我就能陪着你遨游天上/那时候追上你未必是梦呓/又何至沦落到这等颓丧”, especially the second line, presenting more poetic effect than Jiang’s “似乎超越你天界的神速也不为奇迹”, which is rather dull. The last line “I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!” was rendered into “我跌在人生的刺树上，我血流遍体！” by Wang, which doesn’t read like poetic lines and the latter is over translated. While Jiang’s “我倾覆于人生的荆棘！我在流血！” demonstrates the hardship and heavy tortures of heart and body of the poet and brings poetic touch to our sense.
The last part expresses the great wishes of the poet to be the lyre and being united with the west wind, the fierce spirit, and gives a prediction: if winter comes, can spring be far behind? This reaches the climax of it. In Chinese literary critics “一切景语皆情语” meaning that all the words used to depict natural scenery are in fact to express human feeling. The fusion of emotion and scenery in poetry is highly valued in Chinese poetics. The poem features with it, in which the poet’s emotion is expressed implicitly. He compared himself to the west wind and wanted to awaken the whole world through his poem demonstrating great power of revolutionary emotion. As for the line "withered thoughts "，Wang’s“我的腐朽思想”，which leads to an imagination of special meaning in that special political period in China. Therefore, Jiang’s “我枯萎的思绪”, causes no distorted imagination. The last line, Wang’s “如果冬天已到，难道春天还用久等” , is equal to Jiang’s in meaning, while Jiang’s “如果冬天来了，春天还会远吗？” gives a feeling of closeness and is known to household.
2.2 Retaining the faithfulness in form
In addition to faithfulness in meaning and artistic conception, retaining the original form plays a very important role, too. Liu Zhongde points out "Poems call for the beauty in form, sound and meaning. A translator of them should not be satisfied with mere conveying of the ideas in the original, but must strive for the reproduction of the original beauty. To achieve this, he ought to first of all, retain the original meaning and artistic conception and secondly, do his best to make his translation bear certain due form, rhythm, and rime when necessary"(ibid, 129) Therefore, to convey the original poetic line, rhythm, and rime is also an essential job in translation.
The poem consists of five sonnets, which mixed Terza rima of Italian poetry: including its rime scheme being aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee; each line consists of five feet, belonging to iambic. The whole poem is filled with run-on lines and its sentence structure is strict but full of alteration, which best depicts the poet’s wild and uncontrollable emotion and fulfills the unity of content and form.
As is said above, the original poem is filled with run-on lines and some even run across a stanza, expressing the wild and uncontrollable image of west wind. Run-on line is used in English poetry rather than in Chinese ones. (汉语的诗押韵总在句末，没有跨行，虽然也有含两句意义始足的例子，但依汉人心理仍然可以当作两句看待。冯建文，2001：216)
In regard to this respect, Jiang used more run-on lines in his translation and also paid much attention to natural divisions of sentences, which as a whole makes the sentence pattern strict but full of alterations. It best transfers the original line form. On the contrary, Wang focused on smoothness and straightness of sentence, seldom using run-on lines, but it reads fluent and smooth. In comparison, the two adopted versions basically represent its original pattern in division of lines and stanzas, yet they still show their distinctive features.
2.3 Of rime and rhythm
The rime scheme of the poem is aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee and alliteration is used as well, such as "wild west wind", "grow gray", "steep sky", etc. Both of Wang and Jiang’s versions are close to the original: the third and fifth parts of Wang’s and the first three parts of Jiang’s are equal to its original, rimed in aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee. However, neither of them uses alliteration, which is uneasy to convey.
The poem is a pentameter with strict sentence pattern and orderly ups and downs. Both versions express their rhythms and musical effects. In comparison, Jiang’s keeps closer to the poem as a whole. His version is well-organized in dun and words number and its lines are equally designed, which read sometimes wild and open and sometimes like lower singing and whispering, offering sense of musical beauty. If you read the first stanza, you will notice its speed is slower than the original in that most of the lines consist of six dun, which gives us a sense of heaviness and thickness. On the other hand, Wang’s does not stick to the words of each line, yet it gives a feeling of conciseness and lightness. In comparison, Wang’s version as a whole is more like the original in retaining its rhythm for he basically uses five dun and some lines are made up of four dun, which is shorter and lighter, vividly depicting the spirit of swift and wild wind.
3 Conclusion
Through analysis above, both versions have advantages and disadvantages in retaining content and form. Jiang’s version keeps closer to the original: faithful but not rigid, strict but full of alterations in expression; Wang’s has some mistranslations and unharmonious collocation of slang, oral usages together with vigorous, solemn and free style, which somewhat spoils the quality of the translation.
(作者单位：陕西西安电力高等专科学校）