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Answering Life's Most Difficult Question
By Patrick MacDonald
As a parent, one of my most difficult tasks is to explain to my children why things happen. I can1)fall back on my2)considerable knowledge of science to help me deal with questions like “Why is the sky blue?”or “Why do leaves fall from the trees in the fall?” Now I have to face the challenges of answering questions like “Why do people act the way they do?” or the most difficult question of all: “Why do things have to die?” I3)was confronted with this question recently in dealing with the loss of a pet. This particular pet was a cat that had lived with us for almost 10 years. She has shared in the good times and the bad and has provided comfort to every member of my family.
My son is taking this loss especially hard. Sure, he has seen death on a limited scale in the loss of a fish or an occasional4)hamster, but they don’t really survive long enough to create a lasting bond. They don’t5)rub up against you,6)purring and7)meowing, begging for attention. They don’t respond to your emotions and jump into your lap or8)lick your hand to lend moral support.
So how do you explain to a child the concept of life and death? How do you comfort him when he feels he has lost such a close friend? Like anyone else, I9)draw on my past experiences.
I would study my feelings regarding death and try to establish a means to explain why this had to happen and what good will come from it.
I remembered my10)maternal grandmother’s painful death to cancer, a close personal friend dying of a heart attack while serving in the navy and the lost pets I cherished as a child. The experience that helped me deal best with my son’s feelings was the loss of my favorite pet to a fire.
I remember11)vividly the firefighter12)apathetically carrying my friend by the tail from our burnt home and dropping her lifeless body on the ground. I spent several13)stunned moments14)pondering why this happened. Then I got to the task of giving her a proper15)burial—one that a good friend would truly16)deserve.
17)As it stood, I had to settle for burying her in my backyard,18)muttering some magic words to release her spirit and spending several hours crying beside her19)crude grave.
Realizing how much these simple actions had helped me deal with my own loss, I now approach my son to explain death. I try to tell him about the cycle of life and how everything that lives must die someday. Most important, I have to understand his feelings and allow him time to20)grieve. Like me, he will never truly21)get over the pain or the feelings of loss, but he will learn to accept them someday. Until that day comes, all I can do is listen to how he is feeling, provide a shoulder to cry on and support him as any parent would.
So, why do things die? Well, son, things die so that they can be remembered by future generations. And most of all, death is necessary so we should appreciate the value of our own lives.
作为一位家长，我最艰巨的任务之一便是向孩子们解释事情发生的原因。对于类似“为什么天空是蓝色的？”或者“为什么树木会在秋天落叶？”这些问题，我可以借助自己广博的科学知识来应付。然而现在，我还得面临一系列具有挑战性的问题，如“为什么人们会这样做？”或者一个最为棘手的问题——“为什么事物都会消亡？” 。最近家里一只宠物的死亡让我不得不面对这个最难回答的问题。这只特别的宠物是一只与我们朝夕相处了十多年的猫。多年来，她与我们同甘共苦，她为家里的每一位成员都带来过些许慰藉。
对于她的离去，我儿子显得异常难以接受。其实，他也面对过一些小生命的离逝，比如一条鱼或者一只随意养过的仓鼠，但这些动物毕竟没有存活足够长的时间和我们建立起深厚的友谊。它们不会接近你，不会发出类似“喵喵” 的叫声，不会蹭蹭你以引起你的注意。它们也不会在意你的心情，不会跳到你的膝盖上，更不会舔你的手给予你精神上的支持。
那么你要怎样向一个孩子解释生命和死亡的概念呢？当他感觉自己失去了一位挚友时，你应该怎样去安慰他呢? 像其他人一样，我谈起了自己过去的经历。
我整理着自己对于死亡的感触，试图寻求一种恰当的方式去解释为什么万物会消亡，以及这种消亡会带来什么积极的意义。
我还记得我慈祥的祖母因为癌症而痛苦地离开人间，一个在海军部队服役的好朋友死于心脏病，以及很多我视为自己孩子的宠物相继离去。而最能让我理解儿子此刻感受的应该是我最喜欢的一只宠物葬身火海的经历。
我依然清楚地记得那一幕：消防员冷漠地抓住我朋友的尾巴把它从着火的屋子里拎出来，把它冰冷的尸体扔在地上。对于这件事，我曾经不止一次地感到震惊和迷茫，我很想弄明白为什么会发生这样的事情。随后，我决定给她办一个正规的葬礼—一个好朋友应该得到的葬礼。
事实是这样，我把她埋在我家后院。掩埋时，我先低声念着一些咒语希望可以让她的灵魂得到安息，然后在她那简陋的墓穴旁嚎啕大哭了几个小时。
当我意识到那些天真的行为曾经帮助我走出痛失爱宠的阴影时，我决定以此来向儿子解释死亡的意义。我试着向他解释生命的轮回以及存活于世间的万物最终如何消亡。除此之外，更重要的是，我必须理解他此刻的感受并允许他伤心难过一段时间。像我一样，他会永远忘不了失去挚友的那份痛苦和难受之情，但总有一天他会学会接受这个事实。等到那一天，我能做的就是聆听他的感想，让他依靠着我的肩膀哭泣，像所有家长一样给予他无私的支持。
那么万物为什么会消亡呢？儿子，其实事物消亡是为了让后人记住它们。而且最重要的是，死亡是不可避免的，我们应当倍加珍惜我们的生命。
By Patrick MacDonald
As a parent, one of my most difficult tasks is to explain to my children why things happen. I can1)fall back on my2)considerable knowledge of science to help me deal with questions like “Why is the sky blue?”or “Why do leaves fall from the trees in the fall?” Now I have to face the challenges of answering questions like “Why do people act the way they do?” or the most difficult question of all: “Why do things have to die?” I3)was confronted with this question recently in dealing with the loss of a pet. This particular pet was a cat that had lived with us for almost 10 years. She has shared in the good times and the bad and has provided comfort to every member of my family.
My son is taking this loss especially hard. Sure, he has seen death on a limited scale in the loss of a fish or an occasional4)hamster, but they don’t really survive long enough to create a lasting bond. They don’t5)rub up against you,6)purring and7)meowing, begging for attention. They don’t respond to your emotions and jump into your lap or8)lick your hand to lend moral support.
So how do you explain to a child the concept of life and death? How do you comfort him when he feels he has lost such a close friend? Like anyone else, I9)draw on my past experiences.
I would study my feelings regarding death and try to establish a means to explain why this had to happen and what good will come from it.
I remembered my10)maternal grandmother’s painful death to cancer, a close personal friend dying of a heart attack while serving in the navy and the lost pets I cherished as a child. The experience that helped me deal best with my son’s feelings was the loss of my favorite pet to a fire.
I remember11)vividly the firefighter12)apathetically carrying my friend by the tail from our burnt home and dropping her lifeless body on the ground. I spent several13)stunned moments14)pondering why this happened. Then I got to the task of giving her a proper15)burial—one that a good friend would truly16)deserve.
17)As it stood, I had to settle for burying her in my backyard,18)muttering some magic words to release her spirit and spending several hours crying beside her19)crude grave.
Realizing how much these simple actions had helped me deal with my own loss, I now approach my son to explain death. I try to tell him about the cycle of life and how everything that lives must die someday. Most important, I have to understand his feelings and allow him time to20)grieve. Like me, he will never truly21)get over the pain or the feelings of loss, but he will learn to accept them someday. Until that day comes, all I can do is listen to how he is feeling, provide a shoulder to cry on and support him as any parent would.
So, why do things die? Well, son, things die so that they can be remembered by future generations. And most of all, death is necessary so we should appreciate the value of our own lives.
作为一位家长，我最艰巨的任务之一便是向孩子们解释事情发生的原因。对于类似“为什么天空是蓝色的？”或者“为什么树木会在秋天落叶？”这些问题，我可以借助自己广博的科学知识来应付。然而现在，我还得面临一系列具有挑战性的问题，如“为什么人们会这样做？”或者一个最为棘手的问题——“为什么事物都会消亡？” 。最近家里一只宠物的死亡让我不得不面对这个最难回答的问题。这只特别的宠物是一只与我们朝夕相处了十多年的猫。多年来，她与我们同甘共苦，她为家里的每一位成员都带来过些许慰藉。
对于她的离去，我儿子显得异常难以接受。其实，他也面对过一些小生命的离逝，比如一条鱼或者一只随意养过的仓鼠，但这些动物毕竟没有存活足够长的时间和我们建立起深厚的友谊。它们不会接近你，不会发出类似“喵喵” 的叫声，不会蹭蹭你以引起你的注意。它们也不会在意你的心情，不会跳到你的膝盖上，更不会舔你的手给予你精神上的支持。
那么你要怎样向一个孩子解释生命和死亡的概念呢？当他感觉自己失去了一位挚友时，你应该怎样去安慰他呢? 像其他人一样，我谈起了自己过去的经历。
我整理着自己对于死亡的感触，试图寻求一种恰当的方式去解释为什么万物会消亡，以及这种消亡会带来什么积极的意义。
我还记得我慈祥的祖母因为癌症而痛苦地离开人间，一个在海军部队服役的好朋友死于心脏病，以及很多我视为自己孩子的宠物相继离去。而最能让我理解儿子此刻感受的应该是我最喜欢的一只宠物葬身火海的经历。
我依然清楚地记得那一幕：消防员冷漠地抓住我朋友的尾巴把它从着火的屋子里拎出来，把它冰冷的尸体扔在地上。对于这件事，我曾经不止一次地感到震惊和迷茫，我很想弄明白为什么会发生这样的事情。随后，我决定给她办一个正规的葬礼—一个好朋友应该得到的葬礼。
事实是这样，我把她埋在我家后院。掩埋时，我先低声念着一些咒语希望可以让她的灵魂得到安息，然后在她那简陋的墓穴旁嚎啕大哭了几个小时。
当我意识到那些天真的行为曾经帮助我走出痛失爱宠的阴影时，我决定以此来向儿子解释死亡的意义。我试着向他解释生命的轮回以及存活于世间的万物最终如何消亡。除此之外，更重要的是，我必须理解他此刻的感受并允许他伤心难过一段时间。像我一样，他会永远忘不了失去挚友的那份痛苦和难受之情，但总有一天他会学会接受这个事实。等到那一天，我能做的就是聆听他的感想，让他依靠着我的肩膀哭泣，像所有家长一样给予他无私的支持。
那么万物为什么会消亡呢？儿子，其实事物消亡是为了让后人记住它们。而且最重要的是，死亡是不可避免的，我们应当倍加珍惜我们的生命。