在风波跌起的80年代,基于命运的安排,我成了于是之的一个“小朋友”写一写于是之,至少已酝酿了五六个年头。起初是被动的,是别人组稿。1996年秋在娄师山庄,北京市政协文史委员会主任张廉云大姐找到我,很认真地跟我说:“看来于是之写不了自己了,希望你能答应下来,写一写于是之。”我答应了。其实,我代替不了于是之。即便我笔下的于是之再准确生动,跟他自己写自己也是两回事。于是之是那样丰富与矛盾,于是之的性格和他的精神世界具备了中国知识分子的全部复杂。任何人都没有能力走进他的心灵深处,没有能力替代于是之自己的内心剖白。那份剖白是那样独特,那样有价值。可惜,随着他语言与思维能力的逐渐丧失,那份剖白已经很难再出现了。这绝不仅仅是于是之个人的悲哀。而他留给这个世界的文字材料又是这样少,就越发加重了这件事情所带给 In the storm of the 80s, based on the fate of the arrangements, I became a so-called “little friends” to write a copy of it, at least have been brewing five or six years. At first it was passive, it was someone else’s draft. In the autumn of 1996, Ms. Lou Liangyun, director of the Municipal CPPCC History Committee, found me and said to me seriously: “It seems like I can not write myself, and I hope you can promise it and write it.” I promise It’s In fact, I can not replace it. Even if I write so accurate and vivid then, with his own writing is also two different things. So it is so rich and contradictory, so the character and his spiritual world with all the complexity of Chinese intellectuals. No one has the ability to walk into the depths of his soul, there is no ability to replace their own inner whiteness. That profile is so unique, so valuable. Unfortunately, with the gradual loss of his language and thinking skills, the profiling is hard to reappear. This is by no means a mere personal sadness. And the amount of writing material he has left for the world is so small that he adds more and more to the incident