例谈说明文的写作

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  必修二第二单元要求的写作是descriptive,也就是说明文的写作,要求以my favourite sport为题,从三个方面进行展开:1. how you became interested in that sport; 2. your favourite athlete; 3. what you do to improve your skill. 看看下面三位同学如何是描述自己最钟爱的体育运动的。
  A 马尚诗
  Playing sports can not only benefit our physical health, but also be good for our mental health. In terms of me, I like to play volleyball best, as it can strengthen my will as well as my belief.
  At first, I didn’t have a good command of the skills of playing volleyball. I couldn’t control the direction of my volleyball. I was very upset. Then I knew that practice makes perfect, so I trained hard. Now, I am gradually good at playing volleyball despite the fact that my arms may get red and purple after playing it sometimes.
  I can’t be a professional volleyball player because it is just my hobby. I only hope to be a volleyball lover to contribute to the sports meeting in our school. I believe playing volleyball can make me healthier and do well in study.
  B 平不凡
  With many kinds of sports in the world, badminton is my favorite one, because I enjoy the rhyrhm of the ball when it flies between rackets. Playing badminton can give me a sense of excitement, which I am really lost in.
  I became interested in it when I was young.Bedminton was just a game to me at that time. But the moment I held the racket, I was crazy about it.It was enjoyable in particular when I succeed despite the fact that I wasn’t good at it.
  Lin Dan, known as “Super Dan”, is my favorite player. His awesome actions when he is playing badminton appeals to me, which makes me let out cheers every time.
  As a amateur badminton player, I still can’t do better in it maybe because I don’t have the talent. However, I believe that diligence redeems stupidity, so I’ll try my best to practice it on my spare time. In the future, I hope to stick to playing badminton of siding with lifelong. Thanks to badminton, let me learn about the meaning of sports which is that participation comes first, and the various color of life.
  
  【范文点评】
  这次的说明文明确地提出了5项要求,我们就结合这几点要求来评讲一下这两位同学的作文:
  1. begin by which sport you have chosen and explaining why
  马尚诗
  Playing sports can not only benefit our physical health, but also be good for our mental health. In terms of me,I like to play volleyball best, as it can strengthen my will as well as my belief.
  平不凡
  With many kinds of sports in the world, badminton is my favorite one, because I enjoy the rhythm of the ball when it flies between rackets. Playing badminton can give me a sense of excitement, which I am really lost in.
  两人的开头均符合要求,其中马尚诗使用了not only ... but also的句式,并使用了较丰富的词组,增强了文章的衔接。平不凡的第一段的特点在于使用了独立主格结构和非限定性定语从句,并在文章里加入了比喻的手法,用rhythm使描述生动化。
  2. make three paragraphs using the outline above; give a reason for each of your ideas, one for each paragraph
  从这两点来看这篇作文最开始就给出了以下要点:
  ①how you became interested in that sport;
  ②your favourite athlete;
  ③what you do to improve your skill.
  所以,在写作文时应紧扣题目要求,用三段阐述每个要点并说明原因。
  A 马尚诗
  显然没有仔细阅读写作要求,不仅没有按上面的三步来分段,更遗漏了要点2 your favourite athlete;
  就语言表述来看,其中despite the fact that my arms may get red and purple,这里应改为”black and blue”。不过have a good command of,以及despite the fact that ... 这样的结构还是非常值得肯定的。
  B 平不凡
  主干部分用三段文字一气呵成,完全符合题目的要求和各个要点。平同学对衔接副词和句式的使用值得肯定:Lin Dan, known as “Super Dan”, is my favorite player. His awesome actions when he is playing badminton appeals to me, which makes me let out cheers every time.
  一个是分词做状语,一个是非限定性定语从句,这两个结构的使用不仅在内容的衔接上恰到好处,也在结构上为文章增色不少。
  3. finish by saying what you hope to do with this sport in the future
  马尚诗
  I can’t be a professional volleyball player because it is just my hobby. I only hope to be a volleyball lover to contribute to the sports meeting in our school. I believe playing volleyball can make me healthier and do well in study.
  平不凡
  In the future, I hope to stick to playing badminton. Thanks to badminton, let me learn about the meaning of sports which is that participgion is in the first, and the various color of life.
  对比两位同学的结尾,不难看出,马尚诗的作文侧重写事实,平不凡的结尾却同时包含了一定的积极向上的感情色彩,属于inspiring end。
  4. make your sentences more interesting by using some different linking words.
  说明文如果能做到这一点,就是一则吸引眼球范例了。这两位同学都使用了一些衔接词、短语和句式,甚至分别使用了practice makes perfect, diligence redeems stupidity这样的谚语,为文章增色不少。但平不凡同学在修饰词的使用上做得更加突出,比如really,awesome,maybe,various等。
  现将曾冉艺同学的作文稍加修改作为范文:
  C 曾冉艺
  My favorite sport, actually, is what a huge number of people like, from the young to the old. That is, running.
  The reason why I like running is a little silly to me. I run because I can. What’s more, with no more equipments, just a pair of running shoes, I can do it anywhere anytime. Apart from this, when I am running, I have time to think, which is a good way to relax in my rather busy life.
  It’s because I know running needs superior perseverance and persistent efforts that I admire Liu Xiang, an athlete worth honor from all the Chinese. He always rises to challenge, and never give up. As for skills, I don’t think running needs too many skills for amateurs. You will find it easier to run the same distance than before through practising over and over again.
  From running, I get benefits both mentally and physically. Despite the fact that I’m not a professional runner, I will stick to running, at the same time, face problems with perseverance in my study and life.
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