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此文题目很大,但定位鲜明——只论述“从量变到质变的最后一步”的重要作用;不论述量变积累的全过程。在寻找“从量变到质变的最后一步”的喻体时,不仅用“蝴蝶扇动翅膀的气流”,而且还在“蝴蝶”前加上“小小”二字,将“最后一步”的重要作用推向极致。在引述论据时,能做到“必要而又充分”——“只欠东风”从社会方面论述;“水滴石穿”从自然方面论述。但是,卒章引用阿姆斯特朗的名言,离开了本文对论题的定位——阿姆斯特朗的话强调的是“人类的长期积累”,不是强调他自己的“—小步”。名言变“蛇足”,事与愿违!此文还需要升格:删除后半部分的议论,增加现代社会事例,增加自然方面微观事例。标题宜改为“一步之遥”。
This article has a wide range of topics, but its position is clear - it only discusses the important role of “the last step from quantitative change to qualitative change”; it does not discuss the entire process of quantitative change accumulation. When searching for the “final step from quantity to qualitative change”, not only the “airflow of the butterfly flapping wings” but also the “little” word before the “butterfly” will play an important role in the “final step”. Push to the extreme. When citing arguments, it can be “necessary and sufficient” - “only owes the east wind” to be discussed from the social aspect; “water droplets and stone wear” is discussed from the aspect of nature. However, the chapter quoted Armstrong’s famous quote and left the position of the article on the topic. Armstrong’s words emphasized “long-term accumulation of human beings” rather than emphasizing his own “small steps.” As the saying goes, “snapping off snakes,” things are counterproductive! This article also needs to be upgraded: Remove the discussion in the latter part, add examples of modern society, and add microscopic examples in the natural world. The title should be changed to “a step away”.