“What are you talking about?”
I work in an office with constant chatter. Unfortunately, as I do not speak or understand Chinese, I cannot understand this chatter. I compare this to an average office in Germany or England, there is very little talking. It is not felt necessary, as people are concentrating, but everyone seems to understand each other better.
Here, occasionally, when I am curious or paranoid enough to ask “What are you talking about?” the answer is often “Nothing”. I cannot believe that my co-workers are deliberately rude and want to exclude me, so I am left confused. Is it either; Too difficult to translate, or really has no purpose.
Scientists have recorded fish swimming in a shoal, and birds flying in formation. Both send out noises, whilst swimming or flying. The best that the scientists can suggest is that they are saying “I am here”. This is similar to Chinese car and motorcycle riders constantly hooting their horns as they travel along the road. I think the English equivalent to this is humming or whistling.
So if all this chatter is “nothing”, when does the real valuable information get exchanged? How can I improve my understanding of this style?
Confusing pinyin
Last night I made a mistake! I arranged to meet my friend at Taikang Lu for dinner. I looked on the tube map and calculated that Dapuqiao metro station was very close. I took a taxi to my nearest metro station, Zhangjiang Hi-Tech Park on Line 2, then transferred at Century Avenue and arrive at my destination according to my understanding of pinyin.
BIG mistake.
When I came out of the station, I didn’t recognise any of the road names, but knew it was north, so started walking. It took me 30 minutes of fast walking to find Taikang Lu with the help of my phones GPS.
The evening went fine, but I was still puzzled to understand why it took so long. This morning, the penny dropped!
I arrived at Damuqiao station 大木桥路站, not Dapuqiao station 打浦桥站. Whilst it is easy to see the Chinese characters are very different, the pinyin is quite similar. This lazy lawai should learn more Chinese.
The irony of this story is that wouldn’t have helped to get to the correct station. Dapuqiao currently only operates between 10am and 4pm. The official reason it is closed is to avoid the busy crowds. Haha, customer service!
Tying the knot
Loneliness is an emotion, which is not easily understood. I know people who tell me “I have lots of friends, but I am still lonely. Why is that?”
Inside us, we have drivers and expectations. Good family relations and friends offer love and support, but crossgender platonic friendships cannot com- pensate for intimate affection. We are genetically motivated to seek and enjoy affection. Without it, we feel disappointed. When we taste it, we want more. Love develops and builds stronger ties. Most women are internally programmed to find a suitable mate, reproduce, and raise children. Most men want sex and status. Society and culture encourage marriage and monogamy to provide stability and harmony. Marriage doesn’t guarantee a fulfilled life, nor does it avoid loneliness. But the comfort and security of being part of a family is strong.
How do men view potential wives? WYSIWYG = What You See Is What You Get. Men take women at face value. They expect them to stay the same. They want sex, plus cleaning, washing and cooking like their mothers did.
How do women view potential husbands? As a project. Women look for men they can modify and adapt to suit their requirements. They will accept flaws, if they can polish the stone over time. They want loyalty; financial and emotional support; a good father to their children.
In China, I think the selection process for a husband or wife is similar, but with some additional requirements. Compatibility, integration and support for the whole extended family are expected. Patience to gain consensus, keep harmony and offer flexibility are necessary. For the man, proof of stability and wealth has a higher priority. An apartment in joint names can be a pre-requisite in the big cities. The good news guys, is that families are more willing to compromise if the couple are getting close to 30. Hang on in there.
Successful relationships, where both parties are satisfied, have one dominant requirement: Good Communication; Open and Honest. Not always to agree, but to respect the opinion of the other, and tolerate the differences and failings.