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短文写作是一种基本的语言技能。要纯熟地驾驭这种体裁,必须有扎实的语言基本功。评判英语作文有两条标准:一是语言,二是结构,所以答题时要不仅忠实于题意、语言通顺,还要结构清晰。
具体到叙事类短文写作,它要求的是信息要点和语言的完美结合。而语言,即句法和词法的合理调配与艺术性的运用是决定短文写作优劣的关键。主要注意以下四个方面:
1. 重组材料,确定要点。写作前要经过立意,构思和选材三个阶段。短文写作一般为控制写作,题目通常会提供短文的主题和写作梗概,学生只需对提供的材料进行加工,确定写作的顺序和要点,拟定使用的句型和词组即可组织写作。
2. 结构完整,前后呼应。叙事型短文写作必须有头有尾。一般来说,记叙文要把时间,地点,人物,事件的起因,经过和结果六个要素交代清楚。文章主题和内容要一致,开头和结尾要呼应。
3. 人称统一、线索明确。叙事型书面表达可用“你、我、他”三种人称,但如果题目要求你使用某种人称,则必须遵循要求;叙事型书面表达一般按照事件发展的前后顺序进行叙述。
4. 叙事型短文写作的主题通常和中学生的生活经历有关,如校园生活、旅游、交通、交友等,平时要注意积累这些方面的词汇和短语。叙事型短文写作常用一般过去时,但也要注意灵活运用其他时态。
让我们通过例子来看看叙事型短文写作究竟应该怎么写。
短文写作
每个人的记忆中都会有一些难忘的事,你最难忘的事是什么?写一篇120字的短文,要点如下:
1. 我生活中最难忘的事是……
2. 为什么它令我难以忘怀;
3. 结论。
【例文一】
The Most Unforgettable Thing
In my life, the most unforgettable thing is to learn to ride a bicycle. When I was 9 years old, my mum said I can learn to ride a bicycle. Hearing that, I was very excited.
The bicycle is very beautiful. But in this time I am only 1.3 meters high. My Mum told me that I should take hold of the bicycle. My mum followed me and pulled the bicycle. Time and time ago, mum eventually let me go alone. At last I knew how to ride a bicycle.
Though learning to ride a bicycle is a very small thing, I will remember it forever. It is the first success in my life. I will thank my mum in the future by more success.
【点评】
1. 总体印象
第四档作文。高考评分细则对第三档作文的描述是:好(15~20分)。
2. 具体评价
完成了试题规定的任务,应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。语法结构或词汇的运用基本准确,应用了简单的语句间的连接成分,使全文结构紧凑,达到了预期的写作目的。有些地方可以尝试使用高级结构或更好的表达方式,如:
①in this time错误,改为at that time,因为是过去时态。
②told me that I should take hold of可以改为更简洁的let me take hold of。
③My mum followed me and pulled the bicycle,前句已经有了一个My Mum,这里改为she即可。
④time and time ago错误,改为time and time again。
【例文二】
The most unforgettable thing
Everyone should have some special things to hardly forget. There is also a unforgettable thing in my mind.
When I was young, one day, I went fishing with my best friend. We sat beside the river. We were chatting happily while we were waiting. Suddenly we felt there may be some fishes, my friend was very surprised. So that he fell into the river because of his carelessness.I asked for help, but there is nobody in that place.While I can’t swim also, I could do nothing to save him. Since then, I have never gone to that place and fishing again. When I think of that thing, I always very sad.
I hope people can be careful enough whatever they do, because life only has one.
【点评】
1. 总体印象
第三档作文。高考评分细则对第四档作文的描述是:适合(11~15分)。
2. 具体评价
这篇习作审题准确,要点全面,人称、时态、语态运用得当,分句的表达还可以。但整篇文章给人的印象是分散的,原因是句子与句子之间的逻辑关系不够紧密。本文的语法错误也比较多。可以尝试使用高级结构或更好的表达方式,如:
①Everyone should have some special things to hardly forget,should去掉,to hardly forget改为hard to forget。hardly意为“刚刚、仅仅”。按照题目的原意,这里应该用hard来表示难忘,显然作者将hardly误以为hard的副词形式,所以才犯了这个错误。
②When I was young, one day, I went fishing with my best friend,两个逗号打断了句子的节奏,改one day, I went fishing with my best friend为I went fishing with my best friend one day。
③We sat beside the river. We were chatting happily while we were waiting合并为We were chatting happily while we were waiting beside the river。
④Suddenly we felt there may be some fishes, my friend was very surprised. So that he fell into the river because of his carelessness. 过去时态中应该用might而不是may。去钓鱼,感到可能有鱼为什么要surprised?前面没有交代,逻辑上说不通。so that一般用在目的状语从句中表示行为的目的。显然,惊讶不可能是为了掉进河里。全句改为Suddenly we felt there might be some fishes. My friend was so excited that he fell into the river carelessly。
⑤but there is nobody in that place,in that place改为there。
⑥While I can’t swim also,also改为either,因为是否定句。
⑦I have never gone to that place and fishing again. 应该用过去时态,且have gone表示的是去了某地而非去过某地,again与since then语义重复,全句改为I had never been to that place fishing。
⑧I always very sad改为I always felt very sad。
⑨life only has one改为life has only once。
【范文】
An Unforgettable Thing
It was a nice day in summer vocation. Before I woke up in the morning, Mom and Dad had already gone to work. After the breakfast, I opened my notebook. A red circle on the calender attracted my eyes: today’s Mom’s birthday! Mom even didn’t notice that !
It was late for me to buy a gift for her, what should I do? An idea suddenly came into my mind. During the following time, I swept the floor, cleaned the window and did the laundry. It was exactly 12 o’clock when I finished all the above housework. Ten minutes later, seeing the happiness in Mom’s eyes, I knew that’s the best gift for Mom’s birthday! This is the most unforgettable thing I’ve ever had.
具体到叙事类短文写作,它要求的是信息要点和语言的完美结合。而语言,即句法和词法的合理调配与艺术性的运用是决定短文写作优劣的关键。主要注意以下四个方面:
1. 重组材料,确定要点。写作前要经过立意,构思和选材三个阶段。短文写作一般为控制写作,题目通常会提供短文的主题和写作梗概,学生只需对提供的材料进行加工,确定写作的顺序和要点,拟定使用的句型和词组即可组织写作。
2. 结构完整,前后呼应。叙事型短文写作必须有头有尾。一般来说,记叙文要把时间,地点,人物,事件的起因,经过和结果六个要素交代清楚。文章主题和内容要一致,开头和结尾要呼应。
3. 人称统一、线索明确。叙事型书面表达可用“你、我、他”三种人称,但如果题目要求你使用某种人称,则必须遵循要求;叙事型书面表达一般按照事件发展的前后顺序进行叙述。
4. 叙事型短文写作的主题通常和中学生的生活经历有关,如校园生活、旅游、交通、交友等,平时要注意积累这些方面的词汇和短语。叙事型短文写作常用一般过去时,但也要注意灵活运用其他时态。
让我们通过例子来看看叙事型短文写作究竟应该怎么写。
短文写作
每个人的记忆中都会有一些难忘的事,你最难忘的事是什么?写一篇120字的短文,要点如下:
1. 我生活中最难忘的事是……
2. 为什么它令我难以忘怀;
3. 结论。
【例文一】
The Most Unforgettable Thing
In my life, the most unforgettable thing is to learn to ride a bicycle. When I was 9 years old, my mum said I can learn to ride a bicycle. Hearing that, I was very excited.
The bicycle is very beautiful. But in this time I am only 1.3 meters high. My Mum told me that I should take hold of the bicycle. My mum followed me and pulled the bicycle. Time and time ago, mum eventually let me go alone. At last I knew how to ride a bicycle.
Though learning to ride a bicycle is a very small thing, I will remember it forever. It is the first success in my life. I will thank my mum in the future by more success.
【点评】
1. 总体印象
第四档作文。高考评分细则对第三档作文的描述是:好(15~20分)。
2. 具体评价
完成了试题规定的任务,应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。语法结构或词汇的运用基本准确,应用了简单的语句间的连接成分,使全文结构紧凑,达到了预期的写作目的。有些地方可以尝试使用高级结构或更好的表达方式,如:
①in this time错误,改为at that time,因为是过去时态。
②told me that I should take hold of可以改为更简洁的let me take hold of。
③My mum followed me and pulled the bicycle,前句已经有了一个My Mum,这里改为she即可。
④time and time ago错误,改为time and time again。
【例文二】
The most unforgettable thing
Everyone should have some special things to hardly forget. There is also a unforgettable thing in my mind.
When I was young, one day, I went fishing with my best friend. We sat beside the river. We were chatting happily while we were waiting. Suddenly we felt there may be some fishes, my friend was very surprised. So that he fell into the river because of his carelessness.I asked for help, but there is nobody in that place.While I can’t swim also, I could do nothing to save him. Since then, I have never gone to that place and fishing again. When I think of that thing, I always very sad.
I hope people can be careful enough whatever they do, because life only has one.
【点评】
1. 总体印象
第三档作文。高考评分细则对第四档作文的描述是:适合(11~15分)。
2. 具体评价
这篇习作审题准确,要点全面,人称、时态、语态运用得当,分句的表达还可以。但整篇文章给人的印象是分散的,原因是句子与句子之间的逻辑关系不够紧密。本文的语法错误也比较多。可以尝试使用高级结构或更好的表达方式,如:
①Everyone should have some special things to hardly forget,should去掉,to hardly forget改为hard to forget。hardly意为“刚刚、仅仅”。按照题目的原意,这里应该用hard来表示难忘,显然作者将hardly误以为hard的副词形式,所以才犯了这个错误。
②When I was young, one day, I went fishing with my best friend,两个逗号打断了句子的节奏,改one day, I went fishing with my best friend为I went fishing with my best friend one day。
③We sat beside the river. We were chatting happily while we were waiting合并为We were chatting happily while we were waiting beside the river。
④Suddenly we felt there may be some fishes, my friend was very surprised. So that he fell into the river because of his carelessness. 过去时态中应该用might而不是may。去钓鱼,感到可能有鱼为什么要surprised?前面没有交代,逻辑上说不通。so that一般用在目的状语从句中表示行为的目的。显然,惊讶不可能是为了掉进河里。全句改为Suddenly we felt there might be some fishes. My friend was so excited that he fell into the river carelessly。
⑤but there is nobody in that place,in that place改为there。
⑥While I can’t swim also,also改为either,因为是否定句。
⑦I have never gone to that place and fishing again. 应该用过去时态,且have gone表示的是去了某地而非去过某地,again与since then语义重复,全句改为I had never been to that place fishing。
⑧I always very sad改为I always felt very sad。
⑨life only has one改为life has only once。
【范文】
An Unforgettable Thing
It was a nice day in summer vocation. Before I woke up in the morning, Mom and Dad had already gone to work. After the breakfast, I opened my notebook. A red circle on the calender attracted my eyes: today’s Mom’s birthday! Mom even didn’t notice that !
It was late for me to buy a gift for her, what should I do? An idea suddenly came into my mind. During the following time, I swept the floor, cleaned the window and did the laundry. It was exactly 12 o’clock when I finished all the above housework. Ten minutes later, seeing the happiness in Mom’s eyes, I knew that’s the best gift for Mom’s birthday! This is the most unforgettable thing I’ve ever had.