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“After work, we need silence,” reads the caption beneath a key and a cellphone resting on a table in a photo posted on Han Ming’s blog.
“It means after I get home, everything workrelated gets blocked, including the phone,”explained Han Ming, a travel agent in Beijing.
Han spends his nine to five either talking on the phone or dealing with customers at the office. ” I talk too much at work, and sometimes it makes me feel dizzy and I even don’t know what I am talking about,” said Han, who revealed that his terseness at the end of the day caused his ex-girlfriend to break up with him.
“She said I didn’t care about her at all, but that was not true. I just didn’t want to talk,” Han said.
After-work silence
According to a survey by the China Youth Daily last August, 83.1 percent of 2,750 respondents admitted that they were quieter after work, with 34.7 percent reporting feelings of melancholy. In addition, 75.4 percent of those surveyed said that their friends also exhibited “symptoms of after-work silence.” Among respondents, 50.1 percent were born after 1980, with 45.5 percent living in big cities.
“This is not a new phenomenon in society,”said Wang Fang, a psychology professor at Beijing Normal University. Wang revealed that a decade ago, psychologists found that people in communication-heavy professions such as teachers, doctors and police were more inclined to laconicism after work. Now it has spread to occupations conspicuously less social, such as IT engineering.
As for the causes of after-work silence, 59.6 percent of the respondents to the China Youth Daily survey blamed occupational pressures.
Zhang Ye is a very active saleswoman at a shopping mall in Shanghai and gets along very well with her coworkers. But after work, Zhang’s extroverted Dr. Jekyll facade melts away, and she “Hydes” herself away to friends and family.
“I think the time sitting on the bus with no emotions on my face is the most relaxing moment in the whole day,” Zhang said. “I smile to strangers, but give a cold face to my family.”
Zhang also admitted that she hadn’t been to any gatherings with friends for more than half a year, and doesn’t want to go out at night or on holidays.
Yu Jie, a software engineer in Beijing, spends almost all his spare time playing computer games.“I think talking is more difficult than playing games,” he said. “It is normal for people with excessive concentration at work to be too tired to talk as their energy is almost sapped at the end of the day,” said Wang, who added that it is a difficult habit to break.
Dong Haijun, an assistant professor at Central South University in Changsha, central China’s Hunan Province, said that modern people have to play different roles at work and at home, it is not easy to balance these roles. When they cannot manage the switch smoothly, conflicts might occur.
Dong warned that long periods of afterwork silence might result in coldness and hostility among family members.
In September 2012, a couple in Henan Province divorced because the wife couldn’t bear her husband’s silence at home. “It is like I live alone,” said the wife to divorce registration officials. “I have tried many times to get him to talk to me but none of my methods worked.”
“This is a typical case of how the afterwork silence damages family relationships,” Dong said. “I am afraid the situation will only get worse.” According to Dong, modern lifestyle permits less patience for communication.
Differing notions
“There is no such condition called afterwork silence,” said Wang Yuru, Director of the Shanghai Psychological Counseling Association. “It is just a social phenomenon, far from being a disease.”
Wang prefers the word quiet to silence. “It is normal for people, after a longday working in the office, to slow down and relax at home. This is an adjustment process,” Wang Yuru said. “There is no scientific backing to categorize it as a psychological disease.”
Wang’s remarks were echoed by Tong Yongjian, a 26-year-old banker living in Beijing.“It is definitely not a big deal,” said Tong, who lives alone. “Why not stay at home, listen to music, watch movies on my laptop and cook for myself? Why should I talk to other people and attend social activities even after work? To prove I am a normal person?”
Tong said that friends’ dinner parties are mostly boring. “I also worry whether the food in the restaurants is safe enough,”Tong said, adding that she happily spends most of her spare time at home.
However, according to Wang Yuru, family members should pay attention to uncharacteris- tic terseness especially if it is accompanied by insomnia or a diminished interest in activities, as together these may be signs of depression.
To deal with this, Wang Yuru suggested that psychiatrists should adopt different methods to different cases. Based on clinical experience, Wang Yuru said that men are more likely to be the silent ones at home than women. “Men and women use different methods to deal with pressure. Men prefer to stay alone while women prefer to share their worries with others. So in many cases, it is the husband who keeps silent at home and if the wife doesn’t understand, family conflict will be triggered.” Fei Junfeng, a professor at Nanjing University in east China’s Jiangsu Province, said that the first step is to verify the reason for a person to keep silent after work.
“For some people working in the service industry, they have to show every customer a smiling face even when they get offended, and they don’t want to continue this condition after work,” Fei said.
Chongqing Economic Times, a local business newspaper in southwest China’s Chongqing Municipality, reported that a 24-year-old office lady, Duan Qichen, couldn’t manage the relationship with her boyfriend due to her long silence on dates. “It is not that I don’t want to talk to him,” Duan said. “I just don’t want to spread my bad mood to him so I think it is better for me to keep quiet.”
The same things also prevailed between parents and children. “When the children have some problems at work, they prefer not to tell parents as that might make parents worry,” Fei said.
But except for work, there are many other things to talk about. Why do people think work is the only topic of conversation? Fei said that modern people’s lives are closely intertwined with work. “Many people almost have nothing else to talk about,” he said.
“It means after I get home, everything workrelated gets blocked, including the phone,”explained Han Ming, a travel agent in Beijing.
Han spends his nine to five either talking on the phone or dealing with customers at the office. ” I talk too much at work, and sometimes it makes me feel dizzy and I even don’t know what I am talking about,” said Han, who revealed that his terseness at the end of the day caused his ex-girlfriend to break up with him.
“She said I didn’t care about her at all, but that was not true. I just didn’t want to talk,” Han said.
After-work silence
According to a survey by the China Youth Daily last August, 83.1 percent of 2,750 respondents admitted that they were quieter after work, with 34.7 percent reporting feelings of melancholy. In addition, 75.4 percent of those surveyed said that their friends also exhibited “symptoms of after-work silence.” Among respondents, 50.1 percent were born after 1980, with 45.5 percent living in big cities.
“This is not a new phenomenon in society,”said Wang Fang, a psychology professor at Beijing Normal University. Wang revealed that a decade ago, psychologists found that people in communication-heavy professions such as teachers, doctors and police were more inclined to laconicism after work. Now it has spread to occupations conspicuously less social, such as IT engineering.
As for the causes of after-work silence, 59.6 percent of the respondents to the China Youth Daily survey blamed occupational pressures.
Zhang Ye is a very active saleswoman at a shopping mall in Shanghai and gets along very well with her coworkers. But after work, Zhang’s extroverted Dr. Jekyll facade melts away, and she “Hydes” herself away to friends and family.
“I think the time sitting on the bus with no emotions on my face is the most relaxing moment in the whole day,” Zhang said. “I smile to strangers, but give a cold face to my family.”
Zhang also admitted that she hadn’t been to any gatherings with friends for more than half a year, and doesn’t want to go out at night or on holidays.
Yu Jie, a software engineer in Beijing, spends almost all his spare time playing computer games.“I think talking is more difficult than playing games,” he said. “It is normal for people with excessive concentration at work to be too tired to talk as their energy is almost sapped at the end of the day,” said Wang, who added that it is a difficult habit to break.
Dong Haijun, an assistant professor at Central South University in Changsha, central China’s Hunan Province, said that modern people have to play different roles at work and at home, it is not easy to balance these roles. When they cannot manage the switch smoothly, conflicts might occur.
Dong warned that long periods of afterwork silence might result in coldness and hostility among family members.
In September 2012, a couple in Henan Province divorced because the wife couldn’t bear her husband’s silence at home. “It is like I live alone,” said the wife to divorce registration officials. “I have tried many times to get him to talk to me but none of my methods worked.”
“This is a typical case of how the afterwork silence damages family relationships,” Dong said. “I am afraid the situation will only get worse.” According to Dong, modern lifestyle permits less patience for communication.
Differing notions
“There is no such condition called afterwork silence,” said Wang Yuru, Director of the Shanghai Psychological Counseling Association. “It is just a social phenomenon, far from being a disease.”
Wang prefers the word quiet to silence. “It is normal for people, after a longday working in the office, to slow down and relax at home. This is an adjustment process,” Wang Yuru said. “There is no scientific backing to categorize it as a psychological disease.”
Wang’s remarks were echoed by Tong Yongjian, a 26-year-old banker living in Beijing.“It is definitely not a big deal,” said Tong, who lives alone. “Why not stay at home, listen to music, watch movies on my laptop and cook for myself? Why should I talk to other people and attend social activities even after work? To prove I am a normal person?”
Tong said that friends’ dinner parties are mostly boring. “I also worry whether the food in the restaurants is safe enough,”Tong said, adding that she happily spends most of her spare time at home.
However, according to Wang Yuru, family members should pay attention to uncharacteris- tic terseness especially if it is accompanied by insomnia or a diminished interest in activities, as together these may be signs of depression.
To deal with this, Wang Yuru suggested that psychiatrists should adopt different methods to different cases. Based on clinical experience, Wang Yuru said that men are more likely to be the silent ones at home than women. “Men and women use different methods to deal with pressure. Men prefer to stay alone while women prefer to share their worries with others. So in many cases, it is the husband who keeps silent at home and if the wife doesn’t understand, family conflict will be triggered.” Fei Junfeng, a professor at Nanjing University in east China’s Jiangsu Province, said that the first step is to verify the reason for a person to keep silent after work.
“For some people working in the service industry, they have to show every customer a smiling face even when they get offended, and they don’t want to continue this condition after work,” Fei said.
Chongqing Economic Times, a local business newspaper in southwest China’s Chongqing Municipality, reported that a 24-year-old office lady, Duan Qichen, couldn’t manage the relationship with her boyfriend due to her long silence on dates. “It is not that I don’t want to talk to him,” Duan said. “I just don’t want to spread my bad mood to him so I think it is better for me to keep quiet.”
The same things also prevailed between parents and children. “When the children have some problems at work, they prefer not to tell parents as that might make parents worry,” Fei said.
But except for work, there are many other things to talk about. Why do people think work is the only topic of conversation? Fei said that modern people’s lives are closely intertwined with work. “Many people almost have nothing else to talk about,” he said.